


Happily Ever After

by Zimra



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Canon Dialogue, F/M, Gen, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 01:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6403912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zimra/pseuds/Zimra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I mean, have you ever read a folk tale where the princess's mother gets to do anything but die young?” </p><p>When Cordelia attempts to reconcile the Koudelkas to their daughter’s relationship with Mark, Drou can’t help thinking of another Kareen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happily Ever After

“And I daresay you wouldn’t describe your first steps into claiming your adult sexuality as a mad secret scramble in the dark, full of confusion, fear and pain, either?”

Despite the Countess’ cool, reasonable tone, Cordelia’s words struck Drou like an unexpected blow. She removed her hand from the arm of the old couch and placed it on her lap instead, trying in vain to quash the sudden and vivid memory of how that upholstery had felt on her bare back and legs. A whirlwind of emotions threatened to sweep her away as she recalled the excitement of her own desire, the anxiety-laced rush of adrenaline, her joy at Kou’s happiness tempering the pain - and later their guilt over the security breach and botched assassination, her secret fear of the consequences, and the burning shame she had felt at Kou’s clumsy confession. 

They had made things right between them not long after - _not without Cordelia’s help,_ she thought with some chagrin - and after almost thirty years of marriage and four children, such youthful blunders scarcely seemed to matter anymore. She was surprised at how much the memory hurt. 

The shock of it pulled her down even further, deep into older memories that she’d gotten very good at pushing to the back of her mind over the years. There had been a woman once, a young woman whose respectable marriage had brought her only misery, and for whom sex had never meant anything but torment and defeat. She had feared touch even as she craved affection; Drou had eased her loneliness as best she could, had sought to protect her at the cost of her own life if necessary - and had utterly failed to save her. 

Drou shuddered slightly, ignoring Kou’s quick glance of concern, and listened to her daughter vehemently reject Cordelia’s words: “If that’s Barrayar, I’ll take Beta!” Beside her, she felt Kou wince. 

At first glance, Kareen seemed in every way different from her namesake - blonde and robust and opinionated where the other woman had been dark-haired and thin and painfully reserved. But Drou’s daughter was unrelenting in pursuit of her goals, and the princess had endured unspeakable things with a calm facade through sheer force of will. Both Kareens persevered beyond all expectation.

The conversation moved on, but did not seem to come any closer to a resolution. Cordelia and Kou talked in circles; Mark chimed in whenever he thought he could say something helpful, which only made both Kareen and her father more agitated. Then - rather inevitably, Drou thought - the subject turned to marriage.

“No," said Kareen firmly, when Mark asked if that was what she wanted. "Not . . . not yet, anyway. It's like I've just started to find myself, to figure out who I really am, to grow. I don't want to stop.”

Cordelia raised her eyebrows. ”Is that how you see marriage? As the end and abolition of yourself?"

Kareen frowned slightly, as though remembering that married people represented a majority in the room right now. ”It is for some people. Why else do all the stories end when the count's daughter gets married? Hasn't that ever struck you as a bit sinister? I mean, have you ever read a folk tale where the princess's mother gets to do anything but die young? I've never been able to figure out if that's supposed to be a warning, or an instruction.” 

This time, the pain was unexpected and almost physical - it was all Drou could do to keep from gasping. Her heart began to pound as though she was in the Residence again, pinned face-first against a wall by the nerve disruptors pointed at her back, twisting her neck painfully to see what was going on behind her. 

_She saw Kareen, saw the pain in her eyes as she cupped Gregor’s little shoe in her hands and realized what it meant. She saw Kareen’s face grow tight and strained, watched her snatch the disruptor from a shocked guard and aim it at Vordarian…she pulled away from the wall and ran towards the Princess but it was far too late - the disruptor beam surrounded Kareen’s face in an awful halo as she screamed, Drou screaming with her as she crumpled and fell…_

_Then Drou’s reflexes kicked in and she dove for one of the discarded nerve disruptors, dispatching three guards one after the other with steady precision even though her mind was still screaming, screaming…_

She reached out and took Kou’s hand where it sat on the sofa near her leg, grasping it tightly. He looked at her, alarmed, but she shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment, concentrating only on her breathing, on the cushions beneath her, on the warmth and texture of Kou’s hand. Kou squeezed back in sudden understanding; he had helped her through countless flashbacks and bad dreams and sleepless nights over the years, and she had done the same for him. 

Drou looked at her daughter, taking in the mingled stubbornness and anxiety on Kareen’s face. _Marriage might be like that for some people, but never you. I won’t allow it._

Barrayar had changed, was still changing, and would probably never stop. Drou had always wanted to make this planet a safer, kinder place for her girls. Perhaps this was just another opportunity.

**Author's Note:**

> All the dialogue in this story is from _A Civil Campaign_.


End file.
